I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
