So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
