Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
