your thong is hanging out like whoa
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
