I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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