After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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