Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
