the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
