just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
