I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
