So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
