i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
