I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
