so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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