forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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