Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
