you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Randomize