I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
