Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
