I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
