Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
