Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
