New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
