I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
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