singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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