I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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