ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
