Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Michael Bay diarrhea
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
