So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
