I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
