I think I died a long time ago.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
