He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
