Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
