No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
