Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize