I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
