yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
