girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
