Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
