The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You took a bar mat shot.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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