Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i think my cat just said my name.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
