I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
