just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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