So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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