He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
