Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dicks are not precious.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
