I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
