i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
