nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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