Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
