K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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