Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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