If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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