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Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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