i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
