I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
