Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I have tasted many bathrooms
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
