I molested 6 butterflies tonight
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
