I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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