I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i think my mom watched the whole time
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
