This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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