Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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