How'd it feel making her break her religion?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
handjob tips. give me some.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
