that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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