ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
