OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
